Letting go............again, and again.

Many years ago, when my husband and I were taking in foster children, God taught me a great lesson in trusting Him with our children. Whether biological, adoptive, or foster, ALL children are HIS, and He entrusts us to care for His children with an open hand always ready to give them back to Him. He asked me to trust Him and let them go.

The toddler, pre-teen, and teenage years flew by. Next was college, jobs, and mission trips to foreign lands................I trusted God and let them go. 

And then, all at once, it happened........ 

My oldest son chose a wife-

My second son joined the Nat'l Guard-

And my baby girl turned 18 and swore into The Marines-

I didn't realize it but my grip was tightening. This mama bird still wanted to keep those chicks  tucked in the nest. Safe. Under my wing. In my sight. Fear was choking my joy. My body was physically reacting to this paralyzing fear of abandonment. 

Who am I? Where is my value? What now?

But God knows our pain and our struggles and was doing a work in my heart. He brought godly women into my life and I began to see God again in His Holiness. A renewed awe of His character and of how much He loves us (His children). His redemptive work on the cross and our position in Christ brought a sense of peace. I began to believe again that I have worth apart from my label as mom because Christ gave His life for me, and therefore, imparted great value to me. I believe again that I am deeply loved, fully pleasing, totally forgiven, accepted, and COMPLETE in Christ. These truths bring freedom and joy instead of bondage. 

His letting go lesson culminated with a weekend ladies retreat. My heart was soft, pliable, ready to receive from the Lord. Our speaker, Irma Pressley, spoke about Jochebed, Moses' mother, and how she had to release her child Moses, not once but three times.  

• At three months, she put Moses in a basket and placed him in the Nile River letting him go. Exodus 2:3
• After nursing him, she brought him to Pharoah's daughter. Again, letting him go.     Ex 2:10
• As a murderer, Moses fled Pharoah's presence into the wilderness. His mother had to let him go a final time. We have no more mention of Jochebed in Scripture so we don't know if she ever saw her son again. 

Just like Jochebed, we mothers won't always foresee God's purpose in letting go of our children but we can TRUST that His plan is best and for ultimate good. Romans 8:28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. 

As a remembrance, my retreat roommate (or bunk buddy, as I called her all weekend) and I plan to weave a reed basket to keep in our homes as a visual reminder of God's promise that our children are beloved of God and that He is our El Roi- Our God Who Sees and we can entrust them to Him once more.  

My hands, again, are open wide, letting go, ready to watch them soar! 

A New Year; A New Perspective

...: but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

     January always brings a sense of hope for me. A chance to start "fresh". A new calendar, a new outlook, new ideas, a new perspective. And while I don't usually take my New Year's "resolutions" too seriously, I challenged myself to one this year that I'm already thankful for. 

     As you can surmise from my previous post, I found myself in a dark place emotionally most of 2012. And when I'm stuck in that dark place a strange thing happens. Wandering aimlessly through the library, the book section of any thrift-store, and my local Christian bookstore, I begin to gather (you can insert "hoard" here) reading material of all sorts. Fiction (something to take my mind off my troubles, perhaps?). Non-Fiction (let's FIX this). Bible Studies (just get in the Word more, Kari!).  A stack of books begins to grow like a giant beanstalk by my bedside, the bookshelf expands and now, heaven help me, a handful more e-books find their way to my Kindle. But something even stranger happens, as well. I begin to read each book and then leave them unfinished. So......drum roll, please. 

My 2013 resolution is........

    Finish each book I've started before picking up any new ones.

The first book on the list, Ordering Your Private World by Gordon MacDonald. While I could write a whole post on all the nuggets in this amazing book, and maybe I will later, I found myself camped on the idea of "finishing" today. He tells the story of when he was racing in the 440 against a better runner and while the other runner had him beat in the first 300 yards his opponent began to "run out of gas" and MacDonald went on to WIN the race. And then MacDonald wrote this. "I learned a valuable lesson that day at the expense of the man from Poly Prep. Inadvertently, he had taught me that even men and women of great talent and energy have to run the complete course before they can claim the victory. To be in front at the first turn is meaningless without the endurance to finish strongly." 

This theme of "finishing" continues in the second book I re-picked up today called Reframe Your Life: Transforming Your Pain Into Purpose by Stephen Arterburn. On page2 211-212, he talks about "Winning the Prize" and shares the bible verse that sits atop this post. I love how Mr. Arterburn interprets this verse. I've written it on a sticky note and placed it in my bible to read each day as a promise to myself and God. 

 "If there is one thing I am going to do with my life, it is not repeating my past. I am going to take what has happened to me and use that to make me a better husband (wife), father (mother), friend, and follower of Christ. It won't be easy, but with the help of God's power I am going to rip myself away from my past and its unhealthy patterns and move toward what lies ahead.  With all I am and all I can do, I am going to find what I can do here on Earth to honor my God. I am going to work here to do what I can to help others, but I am always aware that one day I will be in heaven for eternity, where the struggle will be over and I will experience the rest of my life enjoying the prize that God is waiting to give me." 

Yes, I should finish the books I begin but more importantly, I want to finish strong in matters that really count. Whether in walking out my faith, in raising my children, in my marriage or in my work, I don't want to fall out of the race before I hit the finish line. A wonderful "prize" awaits me. 

************************************************
Update: 1/7/2013
After publishing my post, I was looking through some unpublished blog ideas and ran across this draft. Apparently, God has been trying to get my attention for some time regarding "finishing strong". Here's the unedited draft.  


My life has always been measured in starts and stops. Sections. Pieces. Maybe its a personality thing, maybe its some un-diagnosed ADD. But as I was corresponding with a friend today about whether I would continue shepherding the Kindergarten/1st Grade class in the fall, I wrote these words.

 In some ways, I'm feeling much like you with the urgency to "finish strong" with Jaimey. With Joey graduating from college its hitting me hard that they grow up (and the years go by) SO fast.  I really struggle with staying faithful to the things God has called me to (and definitely Homeschooling was, and still is, a calling) but when it becomes something that one has done for so long it can just blend into the fabric of one's life and lose its freshness and purpose.  I guess one's walk with God can become the same. 

 Hebrews 12 reminds us to "... lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith..."

I love that our God is a patient Teacher, a gracious Counselor, our Blessed Redeemer and He's cheering us on.

FINISH STRONG! 

Gray Days

Gray Days............we have A LOT of them in the Pacific Northwest. Seattle is know as the place where it rains 9 months out of the year. And the old joke that summer doesn't start until July 5th isn't funny anymore to this former San Diego native who NEEDS her some sun; AND NOW! 

  But what happens when your insides (your heart, soul, and mind) feel as gray as the Puget Sound sky?  Just like the Puget Sound Convergence Zone, sometimes our lives become unstable due to converging storms.  The winds blow and the rains come. More than we can take. 

The black cloud of depression is stirred by old family-of-origin wounds resurfacing. Over-commitment. Worry over the children's futures.  Financial, relational and job stress. A father's illness. Crazy pre-menopausal hormones, and a lack of Vitamin D. The cloud hangs overhead; heavy, dark, ominous. 

Please, God, find me in the rain. 

Until this storm passes and the sun shines again, 

Hillsong's Forever Reign 

is my anthem. 

And pass me 4,000 IU's of Vitamin D, stat! 

Rob Bell: You are amending the gospel so that its palatable

Rob Bell. Mars Hill. Love Wins. What's all the fuss about?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vg-qgmJ7nzA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbsrdSBX11g&feature=related

Maybe you've seen these video clips before but I found them helpful in understanding where Rob Bell is coming from. The first link is an interview he gave with MSNBC. The interviewer, Martin Bashir, was ruthless (not mean, but trying to get Bell to admit his stance or at least agree with what he had written in the book) and Bell would not give him a straightforward answer. Bell seems unwilling (or unable) to defend his faith when asked directly about who his god is.

The second one, I assume, is a promo for his book.

What he says about God and Jesus and their relationship to one another is sickening. He says basically that "tradition teaches that Jesus has to rescue us from God (who is going to torment you in hell unless you believe in Jesus) and who would want to believe in a God like that? How could that God ever be trusted, How could that God ever be good and how could that ever be Good News?"

The theology presented by Bell is not good news at all. And its not biblical. Jesus is NOT rescuing us from Bell's version of some mean 'ol judgmental God who would let a nice guy like Ghandi go to hell, but from SIN. It is because of sin that we are separated from God. Jesus "reconciled" us TO God, Rob. Read Romans 5:10. Bell seems to have taken sin out of the equation. And because he's taken sin out it nullifies Christ's redemptive work on the cross.

Bell also asks that age old question. How could God torment for eternity a bunch of people that never had a chance to hear of Him? Again, Romans helps us out. I like how the NLT says it in verse 1:20. From the time the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky and all that God made. They can clearly see His invisible qualities- his eternal power and his divine nature. So they have no excuse whatsoever for not knowing God. We also have many examples of Old Testament people who "believed".

In another article I read, http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/church/features/25030-is-rob-bell-a-universalist Bell suggests that people can "choose hell". Well, good luck with that. I choose Christ!

The title of his book is right, Love Wins, but the theology that goes with it~ LOSES. :(


******************Update: A great resource for biblical teaching on Hell is Erasing Hell; what God said about eternity, and the things we've made up by Francis Chan and Preston Sprinkle. 

Psalm 27: Strong Verbs

From my teaching at The Lights of Christmas 2009, Calvary Chapel Marysville

Psalm 27:4

One thing I have desired of the Lord, that I will seek;
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life.
To behold the beauty of the Lord,
and to inquire in His temple.

Jaimey has been working through a DVD Writing Workshop and in it they tell the kids to use STRONG VERBS while writing. They are banned from using words like go or went. So, when I looked at this list below I thought, Wow! Strong verbs. Desire, Seek, Dwell, Behold, Inquire. Let's just start at the top.

DESIRE: a longing or craving, as for something that brings satisfaction or enjoyment

How often does our desire (our craving for something that brings satisfaction) lead to dwelling on things other than God?

A desire to understand or be understood can have us dwelling on the past, our parents or our husbands.
A desire for revenge can lead us to dwell on our enemies, getting even, making them pay for hurting us.
A desire for comfort can have us dwelling on money (how to spend it or that we don't have enough),
A desire to be independent leads us to dwell on self-fulfillment.
A desire to please man can cause us to dwell on negative thoughts about ourselves.

Galatians 5:19-21 sums it up this way.The Living Bible translation: When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, your lives will produce these evil results: sexual immorality, impure thoughts, eagerness for lustful pleasure, idolatry, participation in demonic activities, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, divisions, the feeling that everyone is wrong except those in your own little group, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other kinds of sin...

But we are to desire the Lord. So how do we do that? We....

SEEK: go after it. Implies action. When we played Hide and Seek as kids we didn't expect the one who was hiding to come out for us. No, we had to go looking. It took action on our part. So we musk seek God.

Dueteronomy 4:29 But from there you will seek the Lord your God, and you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul.

Psalm 63:1-5 O God, You are my God; Early will I seek You; My soul thirsts for You; My flesh longs for You in a dry and thirsty land where there is no water. So I have looked for You in the sanctuary, to see Your power and Your glory. Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips shall praise You. Thus I will bless You while I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name. My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness, and my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips.

Amos 5:4 Seek Me and live;

When we actively seek God we find Him and what do we do when we find Him. We need to learn to dwell.

DWELL: to abide. to continue permanently, take up residence for life.

My desire is to dwell with the Lord ALL THE DAYS of my life. Not just on Sunday or Wednesday. But everyday. Having a daily "quiet time" does not necessarily cause us to dwell. Devotions can become rituals or rules or a quick pit stop. Are we dwelling or just stopping by for a short stay? Are we "taking up residence" when we seek to dwell in the house of the Lord? When we packed today we only brought enough for a short stay. We aren't planning to take up residence here. But do we do this with our God too? Do we only plan to make a brief appearance in the house of the Lord or do we plan to move in.

Van shared a word picture a couple weeks ago in reference to the Kingdom of God. I think it applies here too. The Kingdom and in this case, the House of the Lord is like a hot tub at the N. Pole. It would appear a wonderful respite from the cold harsh weather but what do we do? We sit at the edge of the hot tub with our feet in the water and our bottoms in the snow. We need to get in, ALL THE WAY IN. We need to take up residence w/ the Lord. Again, we must learn to dwell.

I just started reading Practicing the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. Brother Lawrence was a 17th Century monk who was relegated to the kitchen duties of a French monastery for over 50 years.Tony Jones writes in the notes of the book: He (Brother Lawrence) transcended the traditional conception that prayer was something that a person engage in at specific times of the day. Instead , he continually focused on God and therefore lived in God's presence. Here is what Brother Lawrence himself writes in a letter: I occupy myself solely with keeping myself in God's holy presence. I do this simply by keeping my attention on God and by being generally and lovingly aware of Him. This could be called practicing the Presence of God moment by moment or. to put it better, a silent, secret, and nearly unbroken conversation of the soul with God.

An excerpt from his eulogy.
"So filled as I was with the grandeur of this infinite Being, I went to enclose myself in the place that obedience had marked out for me-which was the kitchen. There, alone, after having made provision for everything connected with my duties, I spent all my remaining time in prayer, both before and after work. At the beginning of my duties, I said to God with a son-like trust, 'My God, since You are with me, and since it is Your will that I should apply mu mind to these outward things, I pray that You will give me the grace to remain with You and keep company with You. But so that my work may be better, Lord, work with me; receive my work and possess all my affections.' Finally, during my work, I continued to speak to Him in a familiar way, offering Him my little services, and asking Him for His grace. At the end of my work, I examined how I had done it, and if I found any good in it, I thanked God. If I noticed errors, I asked His forgiveness for them, and without becoming discouraged, I resolved to change and began anew to remain with God as if I had never strayed. So, by picking myself up after my falls, and by doing many little acts of faith and love, I came to a state in which it would be as difficult for me not to think of God as it had been difficult to accustom myself to thinking of Him at the beginning."

So, we find ourselves in the house of the Lord. Now what? Do we begin the long laundry list. "God, I need.........". "God, can you fix......?", "God will you...?" OR do we BEHOLD him?

BEHOLD: To see, to look upon, to gaze

When we enter His temple, do we gaze on His beauty? His attributes? Do we admire Him as our God full of compassion, and graciousness? Long-suffering, and abundant in mercy and truth toward us? Do we thank Him and praise Him? Again, Brother Lawrence writes: So make it a habit little by little to worship Him in this way. Ask Him for His grace and offer Him your heart from time to time during the day in the midst of your work- at every moment if you are able. Do not constrain yourself by rules or private devotions., Offer him your heart in faith, with love and humility.

A quick list of things we can praise God for:
his splendor and majesty
giving us salvation
bearing our burdens
hearing our prayers
giving us strength
his marvelous deeds
his guidance
his compassion
his righteousness
his enduring love
his enduring faithfulness
his comfort
his wisdom
his spiritual blessings
forgiving our sins

And finally~

INQUIRE: According to the International Standard Bible Encyclopedia (ISBE) found on The Blue Letter Bible website, "To inquire (baqar) in his temple" (palace) means to find out all that constant fellowship or unbroken intercourse with God can teach."

When we inquire of the Lord in prayer do we ask for guidance and wisdom for our lives or do we just ask for things to turn out the way we want them to? How often do we say "be with me in this, Lord."? But is what I'm asking for really His will? Do I offer Him, "Your will be done" in every situation? I find myself too often going along with my day and my agenda asking God to tag along and bless my endeavors........but what if I started asking God if I could tag along with Him, go where He was going, and to do what He was doing? "Lord, Where are we headed today?" In this mindset, I believe, it would be easier to be thinking of God continually rather than my way which is to run out ahead of the Lord and then turn back and say, "Are You coming, Lord? I've got things to do!" Let's be mindful that we are following AFTER the Lord not running on ahead of Him.

Psalm 27:11 Teach me YOUR way, O Lord.

So, let's desire and seek the Lord. Let's dwell in His presence all our days, throughout our day, by beholding His beauty and inquiring in His temple.

************************
Let me recommend some wonderfully challenging and life-changing books.
Practicing the Presence of God, Brother Lawrence
Practicing His Presence, Brother Lawrence and Frank Laubach
The Calvary Road, Roy Hession
Making Jesus Lord, Loren Cunningham

Simplicity

I wish I could remember where I first read this...but I found it going through some old files on my computer recently. May it remind us of where our focus needs to be...and how simple life can be. God bless.

In the Search for Simplicity

• Simply believe…
• Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life…do you believe this? John 11:25
• Simply forgive…
• Forgive and you will be forgiven.” Luke 6:37
• Simply pray…
• ”Close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen.” Matthew 6:6
• Simply seek…
• “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7
• Simply listen…
• ”My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” John 10:27
• Simply abide…
• ”Abide in me, and I in you.” John 15:4
• Simply trust…
• ”do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in god; trust also in Me.” John 14:1
• Simply love…
• “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.” John 15:12

SIMPLY THE SAVIOR

Simplify

I long for simplicity and have written of it before and how it seems to be always just outside my grasp. But yet, I know God is calling me to Simplify and He spoke it again today through a new friend.

Mary and I had made several attempts to plan a time when she could help me organize a small area of my house. Just a small area, maybe a desk or my office space. We are new friends, after all, and it is a bit scary asking a new friend into one's private chaos but I took the risk and she graciously obliged.

Mary got straight to work and gently asked me why I needed FOUR calendars. (one in the office, two day timers, and the kitchen calendar) When I didn't have a ready answer she said, "Kari, just think simplify!"

Simplify: to make less complex or complicated; make plainer or easier

I've tried to simplify before but it really just becomes another failed attempt at organizing. That's how today began. My expectation was that she would help me cram all my junk into some bins and we'd call it good. We'd make piles for give away, throw away, and put away. We'd recycle and shred and toss. The space would appear neat and tidy (for a little while) and I'd have a sense of accomplishment.

But, organizing one's over-abundance of stuff is not the same as simplifying your life. Simplifying means doing and dealing with less so that one can be available for people and relationships.

At the end of Luke 10 we have the story of sisters, Mary and Martha, inviting Jesus inside their home. We know Martha was up and about "serving" becoming disgruntled for having to "do it all" while Mary just sat at Jesus' feet. But Jesus' words convict and comfort me within my Martha-like tendencies.

The text says "Martha was distracted with much serving...", I say, "Kari is distracted with much organizing..." Jesus tells Martha and me, "you are worried and troubled about many things." And He goes on to say, "...one thing is needed..."

Does that sound like Jesus is telling us to simplify? We get distracted by many things when only one thing is needed. I see this in a very literal sense when it comes to the amount of stuff I seem to accumulate and then try to organize.

What is the heart application?

Just what is the one thing we need?

JESUS.

And He comes with a promise. "...Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her."

Our time spent at the feet of Jesus in worship will not be taken away from us. Let's learn the Beauty of Simplicity.