Good To Me

Good to Me~

We've sung it many times before but this past Sunday it struck me.
The words became my prayer...a lifeline...
a cry...to My Savior.

I cry out
For Your hand of mercy to heal me
I am weak
I need Your love to free me

Oh Lord, my rock
My strength in weakness
Come rescue me, oh, LordMy chest aches, the tears began to fall...and I let them. I'm alone with My Savior... in a sea of saintly voices...it's just Me... longing for my Lord to rescue me from all the heartache and pain. I sense His presence. I'm no longer singing...I'm too awed at how much Jesus loves me. His love is flowing over me and freeing me from the bondage of fear and doubt that envelopes me so often. He reminds me again that He will never leave me nor forsake me. He hears the cry of my heart even when I can't speak a word.

You are my hope
Your promise never fails me
And my desire
is to follow you foreverMy desire...I have let worry and fear rob me of my desire to serve (love) You. I've followed other desires. I've let others lead me but I've been left wanting. You are my hope, Lord. Your promise never fails me. Forgive me for looking elsewhere. My desire is to follow You forever.

For You are good
For You are good
For You are good to meI want to keep singing this~ For You are good.
For YOU are Good. For You ARE Good. For You are GOOD!!
Yes, Lord. You are so good to me. Why do I choose to listen to the lies that say "she has no value", "who needs her anyway" when You are SO GOOD TO ME?? I only want to hear Your voice, Lord.

The song ends and the tears ebb but my heart is changed. My Lord met me in worship that day. And I'm so glad He did.

Burdens not meant to carry

If you were walking through your neighborhood one day and noticed a fresh pile of dog droppings in your neighbor's yard would you "be helpful" and pick it up for them? Would you be "so kind" as to bring out your shovel, scoop up that nasty pile, and throw it on your own property to help out your neighbor?

Of course, not!

But I realize I've done this many times if my life as I "scoop up" the problems of others and make them my own.

Note: This is not the same as feeling empathy for one whose marriage is in trouble or saddened for a family whose child is ill.

What I have done is take on another's burden as if it were my own; as if it were my own marriage or my own child coupled with the feeling that I'm responsible for easing the pain, solving the issue, making it better. I own it and therefore, if the marriage falls apart or the child stays sick, it is somehow my fault "for not doing enough", giving the wrong advice, not praying enough, etc. The guilty feelings linger with me long after the issue is gone.

It's equivalent to picking up dog droppings from someone else's yard and putting it on your own property.

Note to self: I'm not the owner of the dog and therefore not responsible for the dog's mess and I certainly am not required to bring the pile to my house.

Unfortunately, I have done this "scooping" in an emotional sense.

But why?

As a child of a narcissistic parent, simply stated, it became my responsibility to "make/keep mama happy". I told my siblings how to behave (read~ I was the parent when I should have been being a kid) and when they didn't behave it was my fault they had upset her. So now, even as an adult, I have the same tendencies toward "keeping the peace" and doing everything I can to make things right for everyone. Quoting from Children of the Self-Absorbed, by Nina Brown. "Emotionally susceptible people...are prone to getting caught up in others' emotions without the ability to pull away. They don't have strong emotional boundaries and can easily be taken over with others' emotions. They start out trying to empathize but do not have the firm understanding of where they end and others begin. This leads to their assuming the emotions of the other person~whether they want to or not."



But it finally becomes a burden too heavy to bear. And God would not want us to carry it. He wants us to lay our burdens down at His feet. He tells us His yoke is easy and His burden is light.


If He's asking me to lay down my burden...

Then, it's high time I put away the shovel.


Forgive me, Father, for taking on what only You were meant to carry. My arms and back are too weak and not meant to carry the weight of the world. But Jesus, Your arms stretched out to me and Your back reveals the scars of my burden. Show me when and how to help others and when I'm to allow YOU to help them.
In Jesus Name, Amen~